[morzh]

Easy. Become a grandfather (unless already are), and any clock you own becomes a grandfather clock.
A well trained parrot on a rope can say tic-tac while swinging.
And if you feel you have had enough you tell him to shut up.
Of course, him being a parrot, he can tell you to shut up right back.
This is where you remind him who puts the food in his feeder. And pluck a feather or to from his tail. That will get him in the respectful mood for a couple of month.
Make sure though he is not in cahoots with your wife.